Merry Christmas, in legalese
Positively effective tidings, to you and those you legally claim as dependents. We wish you, but in no way guarantee, a reasonably satisfactory Christmas, and/or festive period and/or a non-denominational capitalist wintertime gift-giving season, and a reasonably satisfactory new twelve (12) month period. Your mileage may vary, please consult with your attorney.
This seasonal greeting does not constitute a binding agreement of, or consent to engage in, festive merrymaking. «Merrymaking» is hereinafter assumed to mean «making oneself merry». Counsel does not condone making others merry without their consent.
No part of this agreement is to be construed such that I am commanding merriment to be engaged in. But if engaged in may not be as construed as marryment, but only engaged in slight happiness, or no happiness at all. Please see State law Santa Clause, paragraph 1d 14 a of us code 9b.
Heavily inspired from this short «LegalEagle» video :-)
This was allegedly hilarious, and in the comments section, we intend to have witness testimony to support that allegation. Of course, «hilarity» is subjective, and we can make no finding of fact that this is, indeed, universally hilarious, but we believe that the statistical evidence will lead the jury to conclude that to the extent anything can be called hilarious, this, indeed, was.